Empowering Astrology is one of my favorite astrologers and I really love when something baffling is happening in my life that can be explained by astrology. Because basically I can’t stop sleeping 10 hours a night since I recovered from my NYE cold. “Pisces Moon, especially with Neptune in Pisces, has been extra chill and sleepy for us.”
I was thinking this was just wintertime hibernation/seasonal depression but I like thinking it’s temporary. But if any of my pals has a UV light they want to loan me I’d be grateful.
Blog posts I’m working on: Feeling the fear and doing it anyway, updates to the queer lexicography, my upcoming events calendar, breaking into my summer camp to do a ritual with my bestie, going to the gym as a fat, an update to the butch fashion post because there’s always more to talk about dandies, about 6 book reviews and a write-up of a past-life reading I had done in November. Here’s hoping my vast empty calendar this week enables me the chance to get to a bunch of them.
I realized that going to the dance party tonight was only to flirt with a girl, so instead I’m staying home to write in my book for an hour and then get lost inside Nevada by Imogen Binnie, again. It’s such a good book and great inspiration to get my book done.
I included “Look like a babe” on today’s to do list because when I’m busy everything feels a little more together when I look like a babe. I’ve already crossed it off.
I am taking a 24 hour break from Facebook. I am writing my memoir today. Each chapter ends up the same—I write, discover feelings I had forgotten about, try to wiggle out of feeling them but then have to go back in there. It’s like swimming under water for long distances, popping up occasionally to breathe. But I gotta keep going so this book gets written! I self-medicate the feelings with tasty beverages. Today I am using diet coke, herbal tea and water.
Why feelings, why?
When you have insomnia and have been trying to go to sleep for an hour and your best friend for 14 years tells you “Just be awake I went on a date I need to take to you about it,” and you tell her about your stuff and she is able to say, “If you were still 19 you would march out and do…” and you realize she is 100% right and somehow, no matter how old you get, you’re still sort of living out Least Complicated by Indigo Girls, but that it’s okay because you have someone in your life who really sees you. The feeling of being seen trumps the feeling of frustration insomnia wreaks.
Yo, I’m a little anxious today, but I’m really really grateful nothing happened to me or to my loved ones other than property damage during this hurricane. I grew up in California. Big earthquakes are scary as shit, but I’ll say I was more freaked out by this hurricane than the ‘89 quake when I was home alone at 10 years old. My BFF told me “You were in the crazy place yesterday” and she was right.
Update from Brooklyn. Woke up to howling wind, someone’s relentless car alarm and occasional sirens. TookMacy out and the wind is cray but otherwise just a light drizzle. I’m having an allergy surge so I am cranky and hoping my sinus headache goes away soon. Brunch menu is slow-cooked maple grits, slow-cooked bacon, slow-cooked applesauce. Hoping Hurricane Sandy stays this uneventful here in Crown Heights.
Saturday, October 27, 2012. The day where my biggest accomplishment was doing my friend’s make-up for halloween (she wanted to go as a bird and is butch so needed make-up support) and doing all the dishes.
“What you have to understand, Bevin,” says Taylor Black looking at me over our laptops, “you’re living your life in a Tennessee Williams play. You’ve already written your gravestone that you’re too much. Like all of his women you’re going to have to learn that life is all about adjusting your expectations and feelings to situations.”
Taylor is the kind of homosexual who brings adderall to a writing date and then diagnoses your life.